where am i from again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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