did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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