the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you had me at cake vodka
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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