I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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