It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
