And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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