is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
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I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.