She announced her abortion via fbk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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