Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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