we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
