It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
