I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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