yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
