I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
