Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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