I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
