Can i not drive my cunt home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
