you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
