i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize