cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
