It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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