Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god it's open bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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