I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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