I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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