His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
