At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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