So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
