I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
