3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
