I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We are all done wearing pants today
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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