I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
