careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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