What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
