My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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