We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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