I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
