operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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