Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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