My nipple is on Facebook.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
