i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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