I cannot find my penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
