I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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