i will never coherently bang her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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