My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
