Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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