Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
