So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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