He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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