im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize