at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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