Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize