i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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