Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
