I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
