my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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