Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
