why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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